One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life you could save.
--Mary Oliver--

I copied this from my friends blog, i think that it really accurately describes where i am in my life right now. i know what i need to do, i know that i need to get out of state college, i just need to do it. and the doing of it is really painful and difficult. at therapy yesterday i was talking about all the things that i know are true, and how i wish i had a magic button to push and then everything that i knew would just magically happen. i'd be happier, i'd be able to say no, i could engage in conflict and not be scared, i would like myself more and i'd be able to sustain mountain kriya with the complete breath.

sorry for the depressing posts back to back. i'm really in high gear with the application process, so i think that's bringing up a lot of stuff, plus i'm doing therapy and yoga and i think that combination is just unblocking a lot of old pent up emotions and feelings. yes. i am a total hippy.

ok. back to work! for lent this year i'm purging stuff, i'm trying to get down to just the basic stuff that i really need, and that is going for my office too. so i'm in the middle of cleaning things out and re-organizing my space.

enjoy your ash wednesday!

rach