check out this post over at shakesville, written by a member of the Tennessee UU Church where that shooting took place on sunday. it's pretty moving stuff. also, if you're so inclined, the UU church has set up a relief fund to collect donations that might be able to help the church community as they heal.
God is our hope and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be moved,
and though the hills be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof rage and swell,
and though the mountains shake at the tempest of the same.
There is a river, the streams whereof make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
Psalms 46: 1-4
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
*yawn*
i slept terribly last night and am completely worn out today. it's been a busy day at work and looks like it will continue to be busy till this afternoon. so no at work blogging today. i'll try and blog later, i had a great day at therapy yesterday and we talked about interesting stuff. my sister emailed me this quote from some movie/book about dancing and i thought it was spectacular. so enjoy! love you all! hugs
"I knew I was fully awake, and I knew that something of my other place woke up with me. Never before in my life had I felt myself so completely. My self. A mixed-up jumble of feelings, thoughts, wishes, hopes, goals...a hodgepodge of happiness and sadness and anger and despair... of jealousy and wisdom, ignorance and knowledge. It was packaged inside a body I used to take for granted, a body that had run and danced effortlessly. It was directed by a mind that had found it easy to be witty and funny, or serious and deep. it belonged to a person that woke up each day and did it-- the day, that is--without ever having to examine what exactly she was doing. My self had simply been. I didn't know why. I had never asked. And I didn't know who she was, not really. Now thoughts I'd not bothered to reach for presented themselves and feelings I had been afraid to look at stood up and paraded. Never before had I been able to see me in such a revealing way. I felt the same fascination that people drawn to a bloody car accident do. It was terrifying, and completely inescapable" ~D.W.Hurwin
"I knew I was fully awake, and I knew that something of my other place woke up with me. Never before in my life had I felt myself so completely. My self. A mixed-up jumble of feelings, thoughts, wishes, hopes, goals...a hodgepodge of happiness and sadness and anger and despair... of jealousy and wisdom, ignorance and knowledge. It was packaged inside a body I used to take for granted, a body that had run and danced effortlessly. It was directed by a mind that had found it easy to be witty and funny, or serious and deep. it belonged to a person that woke up each day and did it-- the day, that is--without ever having to examine what exactly she was doing. My self had simply been. I didn't know why. I had never asked. And I didn't know who she was, not really. Now thoughts I'd not bothered to reach for presented themselves and feelings I had been afraid to look at stood up and paraded. Never before had I been able to see me in such a revealing way. I felt the same fascination that people drawn to a bloody car accident do. It was terrifying, and completely inescapable" ~D.W.Hurwin
Sunday, July 27, 2008
downsizing
so i'm taking a break from my sunday of going through my stuff and getting rid of it. i've got tons of clothes and so i'm going through and donating a lot of them to goodwill and then i'll go through everything else and get rid of it too! so exciting! i have some friends who want some of my stuff, and my sister needs my furniture for her apartment next year. so it's nice to give it to someone i know and let them use it. i'm going to be moving into a one room dorm room next year and so i need to be pretty thoughtful about what i take with me. it's pretty invigorating, really reinforces the newness of what i'll be doing, the fact that i'm starting a new chapter of my life. it's a little scary, i don't know anyone, i don't know the city, it's going to be freaking hard, i need to find a part time job. but at the same time i'm so excited. i think my studies will bring me another level of understanding in regards to my relationship with god. i know hebrew and greek will be incredibly challenging, but so rewarding to be able to read the bible in the original language. i'm so excited to check out a new city, to learn its fun ins and outs, to find cool places to hang out, neat things to take pictures of, great bars and brewery's, new local bands to listen to. i've been here in state college for 3 years and it's all so familiar, so comfortable. i think it's a good thing i was here when i was. i don't know if i could have dealt with the past year if i hadn't been here, in my home, in my community, literally surrounded by so many people who love me and support me. i know that i always have that support from my friends who don't live here, but to have so many concentrated in one place, able to give me a hug or make me dinner or stand and pray, i know that nourished me through this. but i'm ready to go. i'm feeling stagnant and impatient. i want to figure out a new place, i want to explore, i want to see how i like a new city and prove to myself that i can go and move and start new. in so many ways i know my life will be completely different than it is now. i'm going to miss so many things, so many people, but it's good. just like tom petty says
" Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going"
" Time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going"
Thursday, July 24, 2008
exhausted*
1 a: to consume entirely : use up <exhausted our funds in a week> b: to tire extremely or completely <exhausted by overwork> c: to deprive of a valuable quality or constituent <exhaust a photographic developer> <exhaust a soil of fertility>
2 a: to draw off or let out completely b: to empty by drawing off the contents; specifically : to create a vacuum in
3 a: to consider or discuss (a subject) thoroughly or completely b: to try out the whole number of <exhausted all the possibilities>intransitive verb
*definition via m-w.com
2 a: to draw off or let out completely b: to empty by drawing off the contents; specifically : to create a vacuum in
3 a: to consider or discuss (a subject) thoroughly or completely b: to try out the whole number of <exhausted all the possibilities>intransitive verb
*definition via m-w.com
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
i kissed a girl...
so there is an old jill sobule song 'i kissed a girl', and it's a great song. fun, cheeky, sweet. you can watch it here and read the lyrics here. so i went to the beach with my fun kids and they were talking about this great song called 'i kissed a girl' and i got all excited because i was like oh it's such a cute song! and then they sang part of it for me, and it was not the same song. it was the katy perry song. which you can watch here and read the lyrics here. so not only does the song have an industrial pop dance sound that drives me batty, the lyrics are potentially the most irritating lyrics i've heard in recent memory. all they do is reinforce the stereotype that women hook up because it's something 'good girls' don't do. somehow it's a rebellious thing that you have to experiment with. oy. the song is EVERYWHERE and quite frankly it annoys me daily.
ok. rant is over.
:O)
ok. rant is over.
:O)
Monday, July 21, 2008
the question of death
When you go to a recruitment weekend for a seminary you sit through some fake classes. By far the most amusing, entertaining, and thought provoking of these was a class in St. Louis, taught by a woman who was born in India, grew up in England, and now teaches in the states. She opened the class by saying she was going to talk about Jesus. She said 'you're coming to a Christian seminary, we're going to talk about Jesus. Get over it'. So we talked for 45 minutes about the question of death, specifically the death of Jesus. We make such a big deal about his death and resurrection, but really isn't the important part what he taught us while he was here? If the point was death, then why not kill him as an infant, get it over with. Well, then you'd miss his life and all of the lessons he taught us about how to live and treat each other. Ok so then why die and be resurrected? Why die young? Why not live to be old and teach us more about how to love each other? These are the kinds of things I'll be wrestling with when I go off to seminary.
I find the question of death, in the bigger sense to be something I struggle with almost daily. I work in a job where the reality of life and death is always looming in the background. Where people I meet today might not be around tomorrow. For three years I've almost been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for one of my clients to be murdered. It's obviously not something I want to happen, the first year I worked here I told my boss that if any of my clients were killed that I would immediately have to quit. That I couldn't keep doing this if it happened. Luckily it hasn't happened. That doesn't mean it hasn't almost happened, or that I haven't been terrified that it was going to happen, just that I've lucked out. I have just under 6 weeks of work left. It's getting harder and harder to come here on a daily basis and face the grim reality that my clients are dealing with. I was in therapy yesterday, talking to a sub therapist for a few weeks, and telling her how long I'd been at my job, and the types of stress I had and the effects on me and my life. And she told me that my job is just a perfect storm for burnout. I'm in crisis work 9-5 Monday- Friday, and even if I'm not with a client, each phone call or door ring is the chance that it will be a crisis, and that it will be messy. I'm right in the window of burnout, she said it's about 3-4 years. I've been working here 3 years this summer so combining that with all the family stuff I've had going on, plus my propensity to stay insanely busy to cope with it all, and she told me she was surprised I lasted this long. So I'll count down the days, and say a prayer of thanks each one that passes without a fatality. I suppose that's really all I can do. Sorry this post derailed into depressing job talk. I had another direction for it in mind, but I guess that's just not where my thoughts are sitting today. Have a lovely Tuesday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERRIE!!!!!
love and hugs
r
I find the question of death, in the bigger sense to be something I struggle with almost daily. I work in a job where the reality of life and death is always looming in the background. Where people I meet today might not be around tomorrow. For three years I've almost been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for one of my clients to be murdered. It's obviously not something I want to happen, the first year I worked here I told my boss that if any of my clients were killed that I would immediately have to quit. That I couldn't keep doing this if it happened. Luckily it hasn't happened. That doesn't mean it hasn't almost happened, or that I haven't been terrified that it was going to happen, just that I've lucked out. I have just under 6 weeks of work left. It's getting harder and harder to come here on a daily basis and face the grim reality that my clients are dealing with. I was in therapy yesterday, talking to a sub therapist for a few weeks, and telling her how long I'd been at my job, and the types of stress I had and the effects on me and my life. And she told me that my job is just a perfect storm for burnout. I'm in crisis work 9-5 Monday- Friday, and even if I'm not with a client, each phone call or door ring is the chance that it will be a crisis, and that it will be messy. I'm right in the window of burnout, she said it's about 3-4 years. I've been working here 3 years this summer so combining that with all the family stuff I've had going on, plus my propensity to stay insanely busy to cope with it all, and she told me she was surprised I lasted this long. So I'll count down the days, and say a prayer of thanks each one that passes without a fatality. I suppose that's really all I can do. Sorry this post derailed into depressing job talk. I had another direction for it in mind, but I guess that's just not where my thoughts are sitting today. Have a lovely Tuesday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KERRIE!!!!!
love and hugs
r
Thursday, July 17, 2008
hahahaha
i just got this in my email for a local venue...
| Just Announced | |
| Hanson On Sale Friday, July 18 at Noon! Bono called their music 'genius'. Hip producers like the Dust Brothers and Stephen Lironi worked with them early on, even before millions of fans screamed their names and critics applauded them. But for Isaac, Taylor and Zac Hanson, it's always been about the music, and there's always been a message in the music for those who were really listening.Their new album, The Walk, is more than just the story of three brothers whose interest and compassion led them halfway around the world. It's an album with an old-school approach with many of the songs recorded "live" off the floor and without the overdubbing that is common with many artists today. "The Walk is the walk of life," Zac says, "People make decisions to go for dreams, to do something difficult, or they decide to be part of the crowd that watches. You have to make those decisions by yourself." | |
dave matthews band thursday
when i had my internship we would name the day of the week after whatever cd we were listening to. so my supervisor frequently had 'bon jovi monday' 'michelle branch tuesday' etc, where as i had at least one, usually two or three dave matthews band days. i've fallen away from listening to dave as much lately, but today is most definitely dave matthews band thursday. work sucks. i'm exhausted and stressed out and i just want to have a temper tantrum and go home. but instead i will sit here at my desk for 8 hours and plug away at my work, talk to people in crisis, and try to help wherever i can. sigh. so today is 'busted stuff', i'm sure it will be followed by some live dmb, and maybe a foray into some other artists later. so todays post will be song lyrics. i'll give you that dave has written some crazy songs, probably due to a touch of drug use (ha) but i do love this one...
grey street
Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street.
She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this?"
I dream myself a thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place.
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says "I pray oh But they fall on deaf ears,
am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place? "
Oh There's a loneliness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
Oh It'd take the work out of the courage
But she says "Please
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street
and the end of the world."
Oh there's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To Grey
grey street
Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street.
She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this?"
I dream myself a thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place.
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says "I pray oh But they fall on deaf ears,
am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place? "
Oh There's a loneliness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
Oh It'd take the work out of the courage
But she says "Please
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street
and the end of the world."
Oh there's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To Grey
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
best. quote. ever
i don't watch the office, but i have many friends who do, and i just discovered this quote in k's facebook profile and it completely describes how i feel about my job. except i'm at the train part today. but only 100 minutes left until i get to leave. oy.
Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. -Jim Halpert
Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. -Jim Halpert
so
it's rare that something happens at work that is honest to goodness funny. not inappropriately funny but really funny to the outside world. so in my line of work i occasionally talk to abusers. not because i really want to, but because i am the first line of defense on the phone. they're not usually fun, they're usually jerky or manipulative or pathetic. but on monday i talked to the best abuser ever. he was BRILLIANT! so brilliant that i wrote down some of his quotes while we were talking. i'll give you the gist of the conversation:
him: i didn't do what she said i did, even though i went to jail for many months because of what i did.
me: yeah, you can contact your attorney to talk about if there are steps to take.
so that's basically the conversation. for about 45 minutes (fun!!!) so at one point he was trying (i think) to say hypothetical. instead he said : "Hypothize…hypotheticalize…whatever" then, we kept talking (yay!) and he was saying that we (our center) had been working with his victim (something i can neither confirm or deny) and that since she was lying he thought we would want to know that for our "keeping track record of immaculate conception" and that we would want to know the truth because "you don’t want to be a rouge agency"
hahahhahaha
it's the only funny thing that's happened all week. tonight however i have this kid from my church coming over to do a sales pitch about cutco knives. some jerk i volunteer with gave him my name and he was sooooo socially awkward i couldn't say no. sigh. some days aug.22 can't come quick enough (last day of work)
oh lunchtime poll: a friend from elementary school is getting married, but her wedding is in san diego, on a friday the first week of class. is there any way i can go? i think not. sigh.
him: i didn't do what she said i did, even though i went to jail for many months because of what i did.
me: yeah, you can contact your attorney to talk about if there are steps to take.
so that's basically the conversation. for about 45 minutes (fun!!!) so at one point he was trying (i think) to say hypothetical. instead he said : "Hypothize…hypotheticalize…whatever" then, we kept talking (yay!) and he was saying that we (our center) had been working with his victim (something i can neither confirm or deny) and that since she was lying he thought we would want to know that for our "keeping track record of immaculate conception" and that we would want to know the truth because "you don’t want to be a rouge agency"
hahahhahaha
it's the only funny thing that's happened all week. tonight however i have this kid from my church coming over to do a sales pitch about cutco knives. some jerk i volunteer with gave him my name and he was sooooo socially awkward i couldn't say no. sigh. some days aug.22 can't come quick enough (last day of work)
oh lunchtime poll: a friend from elementary school is getting married, but her wedding is in san diego, on a friday the first week of class. is there any way i can go? i think not. sigh.
Friday, July 11, 2008
wall e
hey! has anyone out there seen wall e? i LOVE all things pixar, but i've been hearing some mixed reviews from the blogging world. this most recent one on slate.com seems to highlight all the controversy i've heard about, and even some i'd not heard before. my brother and sister in law went to see in and the sister in law loved it. haven't asked the brother if he liked it or not. so yeah, have you seen it? do you plan to see it? why or why not?
happy friday! have a great weekend!
love love
r
happy friday! have a great weekend!
love love
r
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Patriotic?
in honor of this past 4th of july holiday i'm going to write about patriotism. i am not the most patriotic person in the world. i am happy to live in the united states, i know i have a lot of privileges that come with living here, each time i come home from abroad and the customs person says 'welcome home' i smile. but i do not own one item that has an american flag on it. our household doesn't fly an american flag (indeed i doubt we have one). if i were running for president i would not wear an american flag lapel pin. i disagree with the president. i criticize our foreign policy. i HATE our wars. i try and figure out why we were attacked on 9/11, and what part our culture played in that attack. but i also vote, pay taxes, and spent 2 years of my life in americorps in service to my country, my community.
apparently democrats are twice as likely to say that protesting is patriotic than republicans. there was a usa today poll recently that asked what activities people thought were patriotic; voting, serving in the military, supporting us world policies, saying the pledge of allegiance, wearing an american flag pin. i heard about this first on a right wing radio show, it was bill o'reilley's show but he had a stand in. and he was reporting this survey and was quite surprised at the percentage of people who said protesting was patriotic. i had to go back into work before they took callers, but i knew where it was going. i fall into the camp that thinks protesting is patriotic. it's exercizing your fundamental rights. the ability to protest is one of the things that make america great. if we're part of a peaceful protest we don't have to worry about being arrested,or worse. there are some countries where you can't speak out against your government without fear of bodily harm. i've been in countries where the news was so regulated by the government that it came over loud speakers into the town. everyone heard the same version of everything, and you accepted it, no matter what. i don't know why people think that you have to agree with the government all the time to be patriotic. i don't know why you would even think of not voting, i don't understand how you can tell the content of a candidates character based on what is on his or her lapel.
until i live somewhere that it is mandatory to agree 100% with my government, i'll continue to disagree. and if there are things i find so heinous that i need to protest them in a march or a sit in or a letter writing campaign,then i'll continue to do it. it doesn't mean i love my country any less, indeed i think it means i love it more. i want it to be the best country, the best community, the best homeland it can be.
apparently democrats are twice as likely to say that protesting is patriotic than republicans. there was a usa today poll recently that asked what activities people thought were patriotic; voting, serving in the military, supporting us world policies, saying the pledge of allegiance, wearing an american flag pin. i heard about this first on a right wing radio show, it was bill o'reilley's show but he had a stand in. and he was reporting this survey and was quite surprised at the percentage of people who said protesting was patriotic. i had to go back into work before they took callers, but i knew where it was going. i fall into the camp that thinks protesting is patriotic. it's exercizing your fundamental rights. the ability to protest is one of the things that make america great. if we're part of a peaceful protest we don't have to worry about being arrested,or worse. there are some countries where you can't speak out against your government without fear of bodily harm. i've been in countries where the news was so regulated by the government that it came over loud speakers into the town. everyone heard the same version of everything, and you accepted it, no matter what. i don't know why people think that you have to agree with the government all the time to be patriotic. i don't know why you would even think of not voting, i don't understand how you can tell the content of a candidates character based on what is on his or her lapel.
until i live somewhere that it is mandatory to agree 100% with my government, i'll continue to disagree. and if there are things i find so heinous that i need to protest them in a march or a sit in or a letter writing campaign,then i'll continue to do it. it doesn't mean i love my country any less, indeed i think it means i love it more. i want it to be the best country, the best community, the best homeland it can be.
oy
it's a damn good thing it's only a 4 day work week. we're all about to quit out of sheer frustration here. so we're off to have dinner and drinks tonight after work, that should help a bit. it's almost fireworks day! wahoo!!
work is INSANELY busy so no time for a real post today, so i give you a quote from 'overheard in new york' i'm sure there will be weekend posting, but this is it for today :O)
Composed chick on cell: He's a giraffe, and I'm a leopard, and I'm never gonna be a giraffe. I've tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I'm gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It's in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.
--Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery
work is INSANELY busy so no time for a real post today, so i give you a quote from 'overheard in new york' i'm sure there will be weekend posting, but this is it for today :O)
Composed chick on cell: He's a giraffe, and I'm a leopard, and I'm never gonna be a giraffe. I've tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I'm gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It's in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.
--Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery
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