ok

so, let me condense the last post and also explain myself because i kind of just stopped and it didn't all make sense. so the quote thing- it says 'your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding' and so that related to the whole dad thing because the illness and the risks and just having to acknowledge his mortality in any way is really hard, and thinking about that puts me into a world i don't get and i'm scared of.
and the therapy thing- no one else in my family is talking about this whole surgery thing as something that's at all scary. and it scares the shit out of me. and i think that makes me feel really alone and sad. and i just realized tuesday at therapy that it was an issue, i mean, i knew it scared me but hadn't really talked out the fact that no one else in the fam is talking about it. or that if they do start they just dismiss it as nothing to worry about. and that's hard for me.

see. i could tell you guys things in just 2 short paragraphs. but when i'm all emotional it's like a big run on sentence :O)

happy fall! the cool weather has arrived here in state college! it's homecoming weekend! someone thought it would be a good idea for penn state to play wisconson for their homecoming game. sigh. maybe we'll pull it off, but i'm not so sure. so have a great weekend! i plan to sleep and sew and hopefully eli will come home and i can sit at a bar and watch football with him.
love you all
r