shocking, i know

A Penn State football player has been charged with sexual assault. According to the local paper, he told the police "she told me she wasn't going to have sex with me" when they were on the way back to his place, but "you know, in the heat of the moment they change their mind." So lets forget for a moment that I'm a sexual assault counselor, and just examine the he said/she said of the incident (or at least what's being reported in the paper, allegedly taken from the police report). He says, she changed her mind and it was consensual, she says she passed out on his bed and woke up with him on top of her, she moved he punched her in the kidney and she laid still untill he was done, waited for him to fall asleep and then tried to sneak out of the apartment. He woke up, she said she had to go and he gave her a hug and she left. She later got a text message from him saying "R U OK?" During the police interview he repeatedly referred to her as "This girl" even though he said he'd known her for a few months.
So that's the big news in Happy Valley. Being a sexual assault counselor I'm inclined to believe the woman. Rape is falsely reported about the same percentage as other crimes in the United States, and is frequently not reported at all. Things like media coverage, internalized shame or guilt and the knowledge of who your perpetrator is or isn't all play into that decision of reporting. Your life will be changed forever, and in a small town with a big football team, that's not always a good thing.
So this story broke online Friday afternoon and was in the paper on Saturday. I was sitting in my living room with my housemate and her kid and two of my housemates friends (both men). So they see the headline about the football player being charged and start to make comments like "well what did she expect" and "she knew what was going to happen when she went home with him" and "she knew who he was."
I am tired and feel that any statement I make is going to be futile and their reactions will only piss me off, so I don't say anything. My housemate argues with them a little bit, and eventually we both just tell them to shut up. One of the guys was starting in on the whole "personal responsibility" piece and the other just kept agreeing.
Ugh. It's been so long since I've been around men who actually a- believe that shit, and b- will say so around women. I was a little in shock at first, I mean, really? you go home with a guy you're obviously going to have sex? You walk through that door and all choice is taken away? Kinda makes you wonder about someone who feels that way. On a lot of feminist blogs many commenters will say that they've never met a man who has seen women as fully human. I've never understood that, thinking that all the men I know see me as fully human. But these two guys, if they actually believe what they are saying, can't really see women as fully human. I mean, if they did then it wouldn't matter who you went home with, you could say you didn't want to have sex and it would be respected. Or you could pass out in your friends bed and wouldn't have to wake up to him having sex with you. I feel like that's such a base understanding I just don't get how other people disagree. Sigh.

My lunch just showed up, Happy Monday everyone!
hugs, r