tuesday sucks.

we got to the hospital around 11:30 this morning and mom told us. dads liver was in place and the blood was flowing through it, but it wasn't doing anything. they did a third biopsy and compared them and found that the liver was dying. so dad is back on the transplant list. this time right at the top, and this time for a 3 state radius. if a liver becomes available from 'pittsburgh to delaware' the doc said, dad gets first dibs. i assume that since they're putting him on this list that they think he can live through the surgery. but i think i have to confront the reality that he might die. if they don't get a liver soon enough, i don't know how long he will live, even being in the hospital and hooked up to a million machines, i'm not sure how much they can do. i know that life isn't fair. and our family has had a pretty blessed existence, but it just feels like it's not fair. my siblings are young, i don't think my sister has made peace with our dad. i'm only 26, i don't feel like i'm old enough to be losing a parent. i just want to scream and cry and kick the floor, a good old fashioned temper tantrum. there's nothing i can do but pray for strength and peace.