reactions

so dad had chemo last week. it was his third treatment and by far the one he reacted most to. he was sick wednesday night and then had to stay in the hospital thursday night because his amonia levels were high and he was out of it. he's pretty grumpy, he's retaining a lot of water and is just uncomfortable and cranky. and i can't imagine what it's like to be him right now. to be fighting cancer, fighting your own body essentially and having it change and reject you and not be able to do anything that you've done in the past. having said all of that, i don't think it gives him a free pass to do/say whatever he wants. the doctors decided that he had gotten too much morphine and sleeping medication and that's why the amonia levels were high. so last night he blames my mom for this. wants to know why she pushed his morphine button (because he asked her to because he didn't have the strength) did she push it too much, was she pushing it when he was alseep. etc. i couldn't deal with it so i just went to bed. how he could think that she would do something to hurt him. she takes off work and stays with him when he's in the hospital, she helps him into bed and makes sure he's comfortable, she bought a damn baby monitor so that he can call for her if he needs help and she's not in the room. and he sits there and wants to know why she gave him too much morphine. cause it's her fault. just like it always is. argh. why is life so messy?